so i woke up this morning after around 5 hours of sleep. to the beautiful sound of my alarm clock, oh that is my favorite sound in the world. went to my 7:50, which happens to be Jesus, as i struggled to stay awake the whole time, my professor asks beyond hard questions for that early in the morning and I sat there feeling a bit inadequate, ok, really inadequate. this semester might be my hardest i have ever had before, ok, once again, it will be.
so my perfectionism of A's might come to a halt, is that such a bad thing? well for me, yes.
so then as i am walking back, in the cold winter weather which makes me feel as though my face is falling off, i wonder...will life ever be easy again? i mean easy like, go back home and let mom take care of you easy. oh, now those were the days. but i also guess if life wasn't challenging, than what would i really be striving for in all reality?
so as i make my way into my dorm i find my friend grace, who is still up from the night before working on her book review and we discuss this.
i guess it's good to be busy, but really i just want to quit all the commitments i have here, just for like one week. what would it be like? to not have to go to practice everyday at 3:30? to not have to be the authority on my hall and tell my girls to shut up at 1 am every night? to not have to be the resolver of every drama issue a college girl could come up with? to not have to go to 8 meetings every week? to not have to say no to so many friends who want to hang out, but i can't because i have too much to do? to not do homework?
well...just thoughts to ponder. i wouldn't change my busyness for anything once i think about it, because i would most likely go insane. but still every once in awhile i need a vacation. just a weekend retreat would be nice. at least to just be still before the Lord and be able to focus on Him. That's the hardest part about this, finding time with Him. And wanting that time too.
Well family...i love you all. a lot. and am beyond blessed to have you all in my life. you probably won't read this because i never update, but if you do...keep on going...just keep on going...
there is a prize at the end of this race...
at least i cling onto that promise...
now off to research methods, where i get to decide what topic i would most likely wirte my disertation on...any ideas?
loves...
Friday, February 16, 2007
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5 comments:
so i was just telling grandma, how i never check your blog because you never update, and then i clicked on your link, and you proved me wrong! so i am glad that you updated :), I know that you are really busy. So I have an idea for you for a vacation...and I bet you know what it is...and I know that you can't...but it is a good idea...for you....and for hillary....to come...and to see me!! and you guys quit your obligations for a week and we can go sledding!! or even better...toboggoning!! :) i love you very very much!
hang in there, sister. it does get easier. my college years (first two) were the hardest i've ever had. it seems i wasn't made for high school and i wasn't made for traditional college. the cool part is that the actual LIFE living, is much better than LIFE learning.
that said, i still think it's best to embrace the learning experience first; it's all part of the whole. soak up the experience because it really won't be this way for too much longer.
in a few years you might find yourself, graduated, like me...looking at the college catalog and dreaming of what else you could possibly cram in to a lifetime of learning.
pick that disertation topic to study something you really want to know about...what a great opportunity to bury your nose in some books and take a silent retreat.
even today, my quiet time is still my favorite time. yes, it usually occurs before my family awakes or at night when i sacrifice study over sleep. but even in the busyness of life, I am thankful for what time I do get.
i love you and i'll pray for you about all this. believe it or not, it's a greater part of your college learning than many of your classes will be. -mel
okay, doesn't disertation mean more college?
i don't know how you do all you do; you must be related to your dad........what I do know is that you do it well and with a servant heart. And something else I know; everyone needs a break and time of renewal. don't know how; but as much as you don't like to say no; practice it. maybe in a mirror would help! :) say no or "not now; but later." sometime this week and create a little space for yourself sweetheart. we are all indeed greatly blessed.
much love
i think that you should have a hug. was i there on the 16th to give you a hug? i should have read this before i went to watch you so i could give you a hug.
sorry, i dont have any ideas for what to write your disertation on, but maybe you are already done with that. just wanted to say that i miss you, and you need to come see me!
I love you!!! -Kellie
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